Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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