your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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