Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
