I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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