Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
