First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
