It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
