Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
