VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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