Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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