even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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