@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
