Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
