that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
