I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What drink are we having for lunch?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
