Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
