I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
