i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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