ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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