i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
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