I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
