i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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