I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
