i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize