You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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