accomplished twins. life is a go
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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