It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
