She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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