At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
