I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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