she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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