Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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