yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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