Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
