and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
