Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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