What a fucking waste of an outfit
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
