It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
