Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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