oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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