i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
