You work out of a Hotel?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
