It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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