names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
