I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
