margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
