I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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