First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
