well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
