can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
