I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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