and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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