I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
