Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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