I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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