just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
