So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
