in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
