I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
