I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
