Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
