My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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