My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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