If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
