im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
