My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
