just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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