someone threw a dead crab at me
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i will never coherently bang her
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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