there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
