I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize